The Courage to Speak Your Truth: A Case for Understanding Emotional Intelligence (EQ) in an Era of Fear

“With integrity, you have nothing to fear since you have nothing to hide. With integrity, you will do the right thing so that you will have no guilt.” ~ Zig Ziglar

Once upon a time, there was a woman who told her story of being assaulted by a man. The man denied the allegation. They both wanted the opportunity to share their truth and be heard. They went on a TV show to tell their story to the world…CUT!

We were not dreaming or watching a TV reality show. We were watching the reality of the Senate hearing for the next Supreme Court Justice of the United States. The testimonies of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and federal court Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh riveted the country. Some said, “I could not take my eyes off the TV,” others said, “I could only peep a few moments at a time,” while others said, “I simply could not watch the hearings.” Regardless, over 20.4 million viewers tuned in. While not written by screenwriters, the hearing had all the drama, comedic moments, and mystery of award-winning stature. The effects of which will be discussed and analyzed for years to come.

As I watched, I experienced increasing validation of why understanding Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is needed more than ever. During the hearing, Dr. Ford shared her story and answered questions about her actions. Her behavior was calm, compelling, and evoked emotion. Judge Kavanaugh displayed his feelings about the process and responded to questions about his activities as minimally as possible. His response was of entitlement, disbelief, and arrogance at the idea of anyone questioning his right to this esteemed job. His belief is because, during his life, he had punched all the right tickets.

Both Dr. Ford and Judge Kavanaugh expressed their emotion of fear. Dr. Ford feared by sharing her truth; she would be discredited. Her truth is she is a victim of sexual assault, and in terror, she ran. She explained her reality with facts such as the memory of laughter remaining in the hippocampus. Judge Kavanaugh feared his truth would cost him prestige. He had never had to answer for his behavior in previous background checks. His reality is that he is a victim of grave injustice and in anger lashed out. She was afraid to tell her truth. He was fearful of his truth.

Regardless of what drove their fear, the resulting request of each was for the opportunity to share their truth. Both had suppressed their emotions over the years. The sudden public release of that emotion has resulted in outcomes that neither probably wanted or expected. Following the testimonies, some male Senators said demeanor, tone, and body language doesn’t matter. Please, ask any woman if that is the feedback they have been given. Stroking the flame of fear has become commonplace. Leaders have set the example and permitted individuals and groups to provoke fear in those they don’t understand, agree with, or like.

This unfolding saga of appointing a SCOTUS has highlighted the need to pay immediate attention to managing emotions. Today, fear is being encouraged and stoked across the country. Instead of finding constructive ways to express feelings, people are choosing behaviors that could potentially have long-lasting destructive effects.

As we observe the blatant disrespect shown to others, rudeness, narcissism, denial, and lack of accountability, it seems as if everything learned regarding societal norms is a myth. It appears bullies and bigots have been given a hall pass, with no expiration date, to respond with sarcasm and ridicule. A recent example was during a Presidential news conference. A female reporter was called on to ask a question and was told, “I know you-you are not thinking, you never do.”

In recent years our nation has entered an era of fear. It is no wonder that people are becoming emotionally confused. They feel things are out of control, and are they are powerless to effect change. Males fear false accusations of inappropriate behavior; Whites fear losing power; Blacks fear of losing their lives; Hispanics and Latinos fear immigration; Muslims fear being misunderstood; Millennials fear failure; women fear for their sons; men fear for their daughters; men fear for their sons; women fear for their daughters; senior citizens fear losing independence; leaders fear of being insensitive; employees fear becoming unemployed; singles fear not finding a mate; couples fear separation or divorce; politicians fear to lose their seat; voters fear to lose their rights; and, the list goes on.

This era is different from the fear that resulted from international terrorism. We do not fear someone coming into our house; this fear is rooted in our home. How can we address fears, so the nation does not become paralyzed, and citizens can move forward collaboratively? Understanding EQ is one solution. In the 1990’s, the writings of Peter Salovey, Ph.D., and John Maye., Ph.D. defined emotional intelligence based on neuroscience research. EQ became popular with the public in 1995, in his book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman, added personality attributes to the empirical data. Goleman examined how having high EQ may be more important than high IQ.

Emotions are ever-present. They provide us with data to make decisions and are regulators of our actions. We are ALL emotional beings. When someone labels you as emotional, don’t take it personally, recognize that you are not alone - you are in the company of every person in the world! Whether the behavior is judged good or bad depends on your response to a situation. Joshua Freedman, author of “The Heart of Leadership,” says “EQ is the difference that makes the difference. People with strong emotional intelligence skills rise above any situation. They don’t let other people push their buttons, and they connect with others more effectively.” Learning to manage a wide range of emotions can help minimize the feelings of confusion and apprehension brought on by fear.

We should not lose sight of the main story; a woman dared to share her truth. Dr. Ford used EQ to describe and share her truth. Judge Kavanaugh used EQ to explain and share his truth, and he used courage to tell his truth. For me, the takeaway is through fear; both witnesses found the courage to share their truth, and both desperately felt the need to be heard and understood. Regardless of race, sex, religious beliefs, cultural experiences, or political ideology, the feeling of being listened to is something the majority of us desire.

This article is not about judging the truth. It is about the importance of using EQ to help us courageously share our reality in ways that can result in the best possible outcome for ourselves and others. EQ helps us understand the messages we receive from all our emotions, recognize our patterns of behavior, and make choices for more effective outcomes. EQ can be learned. The lessons have been taught in personal growth, leadership development, and employee and student engagement, as well as facilitating the discussion of diversity and inclusion. It will assist with the ability to share our truths constructively. What it will also give us is a license over the one thing that we can truly control – ourselves. This point in our history seems like the perfect time to begin these lessons.